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Cloudy With an 80% Chance of Slutty

Oops…I meant to write Bitchy…(stupid Freudian slips…)

She showed up yesterday….she's here again today...idiot...

At first, I was mad…(well of course, I would be…I had PMS), but then I noticed something weird was going on….She had a visitor….




What the flip was Gene Simmons (aka Dr. Love) doing with my duck?

I just shook my head and went to make some breakfast…with chocolate…heck, I’d even settle for some chocolate eggs from Easter weekend, but apparently, those rotten kids of mine ate them already.

I couldn’t find anything so then I thought “must have iced Coffee from McDonalds”…closer to the house than Starbucks…and those Starbucks girls are too freakin’ cheerful…I might have to hand them a piece of my gum and it might hurt their feelings. They might start screwing up everyone’s orders and then the entire universe gets all whack-a-doodle because PMS makes me mean.

(This is my gum of choice right now...)

Before I left, I grabbed one of my trusty signs in case one of the McDonalds people tried to make conversation with me…oh, and don’t want to forget my coin purse…





As I’m driving to McDonalds, my thoughts begin to wander…









I got stuck in la-la land with this one for a while.....

Fast forward back to home…

I pulled out my favorite cookbook to plan lunch and dinner...



When that was all done, I felt like doing a little light reading so I grabbed some books and magazines to browse
After last week, I look at Geeks in a whole new way….especially this one…


I reached over for some m&m’s from my secret PMS stash and she was sitting there…



“Hey sister….your hormones are really nutso this time…what’s with all the man candy?” I just picked her up and ate her so she would shut up…

Just then, I heard whispers and tiny scurrying feet…I looked up and saw the house was taped off with this

and these signs were posted everywhere…


I just cackled out my evil laugh and shouted, “I’ll get you, my pretties and your black cat, Shadow too!” Don’t those kids understand, I’ve got stuff on my mind that’s really important today?

Don’t they realize Mommy is trying to find a little sunshine in her PMS clouded day? Grrrr…..
Well, off to do some blogstalking, I suppose….make sure you have some chocolate or some hot man candy photos posted…I can’t be responsible for my actions otherwise;)

Oh...I went back in to check on Dr. Love and Rubber Duckie Dawn...She was all dolled up like this.... I guess that's better than the alternative....



Have a happy Tuesday!

Peace out!


Ps…no green m&m talking candies were actually harmed during the writing of this post…I just pretended to eat her so please hold off on the lawsuits…

Still under construction…..thanks for your patience!
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Comments

Just SO said…
Passing over the stash of frozen Mint Three Musketeers that I have in hopes it will help your pms day.
April 21, 2009 at 7:40 AM
B said…
Love the sign declaring hard hats are needed!
April 21, 2009 at 7:40 AM
Sandy said…
Sorry, I have no chocolate or hunky guys:0( I know, what kind of friend am I?
April 21, 2009 at 7:41 AM
Kim said…
Hilarious! (although it's a little early in the morning for that picture of Keith Richards—egads)
April 21, 2009 at 7:47 AM
Me (aka Danielle) said…
You crack me up..even when you are PMS'ing. Where in the world do you find all these cute duckies? I totally need to get me some!

P.S. I will understand if you don't visit my blog until the PMS subsides. I have no pictures of hunky men. Just my cute boys. I lace EVERYTHING with chocolate though. It should be its own food group!
April 21, 2009 at 7:50 AM
Heather said…
Oh my God, you sound like me with PMS. I ate all the chocolate, sorry.
April 21, 2009 at 7:52 AM
Kristina P. said…
I literally just finished eating about 8 Oreos for breakfast.

Now, if only Jack Bauer was here to help me.
April 21, 2009 at 8:09 AM
Donnetta said…
If I give you my chocolate can I have Tim McGraw???????
April 21, 2009 at 8:10 AM
Randi Troxell said…
seriously... run right over to my post of the day... i have a chocolate secret that might make you happy!!
April 21, 2009 at 8:13 AM
www.AForestFrolic.typepad.com said…
Don't lie girl, you know she was wishing she could borrow that last duckie's outfit ;-)

Jamie :-)

P.S. love the man candy...oooolala, George Clooney
April 21, 2009 at 8:22 AM
Kat said…
My secret stash is a cadbury dairy milk bar and the bag of Hershey Kisses I keep up in the cabinet away from prying little girls eyes.
April 21, 2009 at 8:29 AM
Anonymous said…
OK...so you and I are officially on the same cycle. Must be that we spend alot of time together. LOL
April 21, 2009 at 8:33 AM
Bobby G said…
LMAO! That was great Bee! 2 things, you think those cheery Starbucks bitches are on the same cycle and one week a month it SUCKS to get coffee? Also Kate reads your blog SO MUCH you are on the same cycle! Nice! I dont know you Kate but I couldnt resist!
April 21, 2009 at 8:45 AM
Gossamer Creations said…
We have so much Easter candy here I wish I could share some with you... because once I take my son to school it's a free for all on the chocolate. Thanks for the pic of George, what a way to start the day. Cute post !!
~Sue~
April 21, 2009 at 8:48 AM
Tracy said…
{slides hidden bag of chocolate your way} I'll restock sweetie... eat up.

Argh! I dont even have PMS right now and I'm with ya. I've been eating chocolate like it's going outta style, crying, yelling, and visualizing a brutal stabbing with my pen. Needless to say my staff is hiding pens from me these days...

Hope you feel better Momma Bee!!!

xoxo
April 21, 2009 at 8:59 AM
Sheri, RN said…
Mmm! Love me some Johnny Depp!
April 21, 2009 at 9:24 AM
Amy said…
I had an ovary removed and another nifty little surgery resulting in no more PMS for me. So, my question then is...why do I still want to roll Johnny Depp in melted chocolate and lick that bad boy clean?
April 21, 2009 at 9:35 AM
Unknown said…
I've been on the PMS roller coaster for days and I would love to get off the damn ride but the invisible little man (I refuse to believe that a woman would do this crap to another woman) that's operating the ride will not freaking let me and I so need some green M&M's right now!
April 21, 2009 at 9:39 AM
Anonymous said…
You are hilarious!!!!

I always love that PMS duck!

'those starbucks girls are too cheerful' hahaha!
April 21, 2009 at 9:53 AM
Jillene said…
hehe! I have semi-PMS. My ovaries are trying to figure out what the hell is going on now that I have no uterus. Kind of a strange feeling--but hey I'll take it over full blown PMS and Aunt Flo!!
April 21, 2009 at 10:49 AM
Polka Dot Moon said…
More chocolate I say..........LOTS more chocolate!!!
April 21, 2009 at 10:54 AM
Anonymous said…
OMG I'm dying...You have let some beautiful sunshine into my dreary day..IT's like you KNOW how I feel...that time of the month. Thank you thank you...I needed a good laugh!
April 21, 2009 at 11:09 AM
Sass said…
You crack me up.

There's a guy who has a pass to our local water park who looks exactly like Jack Sparrow...

Man, I can't wait for summer.
April 21, 2009 at 11:44 AM
beckylbranch said…
You are hilarious...I'm in the PMS boat with you this week too...ugh! But all that stuff you have just shown makes me feel better :)
April 21, 2009 at 12:11 PM
Kathy B! said…
You are such a crack-up! Happy PMS-ing!! Stop by my blog... I've got a boatload of leftover Easter candy and the kids don't know where I hid it :)
April 21, 2009 at 12:29 PM
Bethany said…
That post cracked me up!!! PMS sucks!!!! Just ask my husband. :)
April 21, 2009 at 12:30 PM
kado! said…
you are too funny....thanksfor the afternoon pick-me-up with Depp & Clooney...that was extra nice of you!

I ♥ me some mc.d's Sweet tea...and I don't think the workers by me speak much english...so no conversation is Good conversation!LOL! =)
April 21, 2009 at 12:34 PM
Nicole said…
You too???? I know the feeling. maybe an online PMS club?
April 21, 2009 at 12:50 PM
Eve said…
OMG - I want... no, NEED that cook book!!!
April 21, 2009 at 1:07 PM
The Blonde Duck said…
I hope you feel better!

I need that back off sign for work.
April 21, 2009 at 1:37 PM
The Farmers Wife said…
I feel ya! A while back hubs starting referring to pms as pmsc, as in Pass Me Some Chocolate. He has learned well in his few years. Lots of luck with those meddling kids. Why is it they always want to be picked up the second your back hurts like crap?!
April 21, 2009 at 2:12 PM
A Friendly Reader Only said…
I hope you get to feeling better!! I have a really hot-cooty posted stop by and check him out!! Hope you get to feeling better - until then eat lots of chocolate!
April 21, 2009 at 2:33 PM
LadyStyx said…
Oh my! No chocolate here right now. Seems that some things run opposite on me at that time of month. Chocolate, I always crave, but when the PMS duck shows up here, all Im wanting is cinnamon muffins or lemon pie.
April 21, 2009 at 2:37 PM
Debra said…
Girl, you are just too funny! I hate PMS, but the "mood meds" I take makes for a safer society and keeps me out of jail, if you know what I mean...ha,ha!
April 21, 2009 at 3:06 PM
Jules AF said…
Oh my gosh. I would do dirty, dirty things to Chuck. DIRTY. (In case you missed that)
April 21, 2009 at 3:29 PM
Devri said…
Ha! ha! rolf


Yeah, so I am slut, who cares, I am married!

;0)
April 21, 2009 at 3:57 PM
Jazzy Jemz said…
That was super cute! I am dreamy after last nites Chuck episode- gosh that guy is cute. Love the girl duck too.

Hope your PMS goes away with Chocolate and midol!
April 21, 2009 at 4:00 PM
Lesley said…
I think I might be one of the few...who on rare occasions relishes in my PMS fueled tirades...because sometimes you just don't feel like being nice....lol
April 21, 2009 at 4:16 PM
Tom said…
I appreciate you giving us a heads up each month so we don't say anything to set you off while you are in your volatile state. I'm just curious, what is a guys excuse for being cranky and wanting to each chocolate? I guess I'll have to blame that on something else.
April 21, 2009 at 5:07 PM
kel said…
I love your PMS posts!! You are hilarious! And I sooooo need that coin purse!

I've got my subscription to Geeky Dreamboats!
April 21, 2009 at 5:17 PM
Shannon said…
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who eats chocolate for breakfast...
April 21, 2009 at 5:32 PM
Beth said…
Our Starbucks girls aren't that cheerful. Just sayin.

Hope you got enough chocolate fisted into your mouth.
April 21, 2009 at 6:15 PM
Cygnus MacLlyr said…
you're just too damned much, lady! When We Gonna Get Hitched?!?

;D
April 21, 2009 at 6:36 PM
Dawn said…
You amaze me with your creativity!

I so want to know where you find these pictures. Not that I could do anything nearly as funny with them.

Oh, and I love Chuck! I'm hoping they'll reconsider and do another season! =)
April 21, 2009 at 7:10 PM
A Psych Mommy said…
LOL with the last rubber ducky! Your PMS posts are just too much!
April 21, 2009 at 7:33 PM
Mimi said…
My stomach actually did a flip when I scrolled down & saw the pic of Johnny Depp. Damn...just, wow.

Then you had to throw in Tim Mcgraw & I was off to fantasyville. What? TMI? Oh, sorry!
April 22, 2009 at 9:56 AM
nikkicrumpet said…
LOL...I'd like to give my deepest sympathy to your family at this time of HORROR...may God bless them and keep them safe.
April 22, 2009 at 2:04 PM
Country Mouse, City Mouse said…
Not again!!!

Time sure flies.
April 22, 2009 at 5:14 PM
Jenners said…
You know ... if you want people to read your posts, you need to stop distracting us with those photos!
April 22, 2009 at 7:49 PM
Jolene said…
I looooove your hardhats sign! lol
April 23, 2009 at 6:49 PM
Kelly said…
Where do you find all those adorable duckies!? If we ever meet in person I will have to bring chocolate for us to share K?
April 24, 2009 at 3:52 AM
Alexis AKA MOM said…
Well at least she looks good in pink ... LOL, not sure the red ball does it for her :)
April 25, 2009 at 8:34 PM
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