Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Law of the Land

There’s a new sheriff in town, folks. His name is Johnny Law AKA Johnny Blog-Law. He tried to shake me down a couple of times yesterday thinking I was mainlining via internet connection. He was wrong. I wasn’t doing the hard stuff. I was tokin’ on some Word…as in document…Word document.

Incident #1 occured at 9:00 am…Johnny Blog-Law (you know him as Tween Caveboy) leaps in front of me and ‘my Precious’ (the laptop). “BUSTED!” he yells, hands drawn in the gun position. “Step away from the computer, Mom.”

Not fazed, I calmly state that I want my attorney present before I agree to anything. “No can do, lady,” he laughs maniacally.

“What exactly am I being charged with, Officer?” I challenge him with my evil stink-eye.

“Blogging during school hours.” he stares at me disapprovingly.

“You got any evidence, Officer?” I ask raising my one eyebrow at him. (This freaks my kids out that I can do the one eyebrow raise…)

“Duh…you’re on the computer and it’s 9:00 am.” he smirks with confidence.

“Oh really….why don’t you take a look at what I’m doing here, Johnny Blog-Law.” I shove the computer at him.

His smirky smile quickly fades and off he runs to the classroom. (Yes, we have a classroom…we are homeschoolers.) “And by the way, Johnny Blog-Law, that “evidence” you just saw on the computer? I am adding another 5 questions for ya! That’s right, buddy! Who’s busted now?!” I cackle loudly behind him.

Yeah….he “busted” me typing his World Geography test. I fought the law and I won. That’s right…you don’t mess with this homeschool mom.

Incident #2….Johnny Blog-Law makes a second appearance at 3:00 pm. “Gotcha!” he yells (again) and this time nearly gave me a flippin heart attack. I am sad to say that he did bust me that time. I was only blogging for a few minutes, but I was supposed to be listing on ebay…long story….“HA!” he is laughing himself silly this time.

You see, friends, I live in southern AZ, and my lovely little neighborhood does not have high speed internet access. I know…I can hear all of you gasping and trying to absorb the shock of my words. When we bought the house four years ago, we assumed it would have high speed access because, well, doesn’t everybody? Umm…that would be a big NO. It didn’t even occur to me to ask!

As a result, I have to use a wireless aircard. Not cheap and not unlimited. You get 5GB per month. That’s like 2 hours in blog time…(well, not really, but it sure doesn’t feel like a lot!)

Last month, I went over my time…NOT MY FAULT…Verizon’s usage meter was off on my aircard…I can PROVE it! However, I was charged .25 per minute for a whopping extra $200 hit on my bill! (a bill which I am disputing, by the way!)

As a result, my blogging time has been drastically reduced. You may have noticed my comment lovin’ was lacking last week. Sniffle sniffle…I was terribly sad about that. I have to spread my computer time between school work for my kids, blogging, and ebay (because I may have to pay that dumb bill!)

The irony is that Cox Communications has high speed wiring at the end of my driveway, but will not bring it up the one acre driveway to the house. We have even offered to pay the expense to do this, but they refuse. So close and yet so far...sigh....

So, as a result, Blog Law is being enforced around these parts with a bloggy curfew of sorts. (I’m taking the weekends off blogger…) I’m still going to post and comment as much as possible during the week! I am just hoping that Cox will come around and bring those fiber optic cables up my driveway soon!

I actually found a photo of the real Johnny Law…


That’s right…Jude Law and Johnny Depp have morphed into a blog cop…I am strangely repulsed and attracted all at the same time..

Happily accepting your pity today,

36 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I'm glad he got Johnny's hair. And hopefully his penchant for monogamy.

Me said...

Wow! That is a tough set of laws you got out there in your parts!

I don't blame you for taking weekends off. The fines are steep if you tango with the local heat and lose!

I would much prefer you not be around on the weekend, then to have to visit you through bullet proof glass, while chatting over a dirty telephone handset.

blognut said...

He's a little beautiful... kinda.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

Oh I would be sooo sad if I had to watch my minuts...so kudos to you!!

mommaof4wife2r said...

i looked at that pic for a while before i figured it out...wow. scary, yet a little intriguing too!

Debbie said...

They make a nice man. Wait, that sounds odd.

The Boob Nazi said...

I'm greatly attracted to this morphed man. But it's kind of freaking me out too.

Kelly said...

Wow you have really got to get that worked out so you can continue to leave such nice comments.

Good luck paying the bills : )

Andrea said...

Sucks you have to watch your minutes! But I try and take weekends off, too. Actually... I haven't been to regular with blogging lately.. I know, I suck. :P

Ann On and On... said...

Your Johnny Blog- law is way to cute! A crafty little one at that.

Limiting blog time is the poops. Maybe you could get all of us to complain for you..... power in numbers.

Randi Troxell said...

hilarious... loooove it! and is it scary that i think that jude/johnny photo actually looks yummy... haha!

annie kelleher said...

thats one way cute johnny blog-law :)!

Blog Stalker said...

So, if we visit you soon are you saying we will find you plugged in at the start of your driveway sitting under an umbrella, blogging away? I am wondering if you can hire a cable guy(or do it yourself) and tap the line and run it yourself.....just a thought.

Have a great day! and watch out for johnny law! lol

Jillene said...

Oh my!! Sorry for the lack of high speed internet--stupid companies!!

And Johnnie Law is quite attractive--in a weird morphed sort of way!!

Seeker said...

I guess we have to work with what we have. Stupid internet. I understand your frustration.

As for my "being naughty" with Lana's blog....I was only trying to help ya know...besides...I am having a rough go with my bf being so far away. My mind wanders to the dark side every now and then....forgive me I beg

The Blonde Duck said...

You have my button. Sniff. Sniff. I almost cried I was so happy.

When I was 5, my dad told me I was sherriff of my neighborhood. I pranced up and down the street on my pink bike with streamers, pink boots, pink cowboy hat and gold plastic star stuck to my dress. They were building all these houses and I would go in and "investigate the premises."

Tell Johnny Law I've still got the hat and star!

Brenda said...

You so have my pity...I feel like I spend half my day (explains the messy house!) surfing the net!

My son would totally be Johnny Blog-law if we had to enforce rules at my house!

LadyStyx said...

That really sucks. Here's to hopin they get those lines up to your house and soon! Only other option is to build a shed with electric hook-up down closer to the road.

Debateur said...

That must be hard without high speed. My condolenses. We're like that when we go to the in-laws and I swear my blogging goes down to next to nothing.

Yaya said...

I didn't realize you homeschooled. That's awesome!

Noah's Mommy said...

All I keep hearing is "I fought the law...and the Law Won"....I'm cracking up....at least he's vigilant....lol

Lori said...

you are SO funny...yes, i will give you some pity for not having high speed internet access...that must be a bummer!!!

Jenners said...

Johnny Blog-Law -- that's funny stuff.

That would be horrible to have to carefully watch my blogging time ... I would be in the poorhouse if I had to watch it by the minute. I would seriously consider moving.

I totally understand if you can't visit and comment ... no pressure from me. I know how it gets when you have limited time.

And Oh My on your morph ... that is really cool. I see more Jude than Johnny though.

blueviolet said...

This is not acceptable. I need you to have unlimited internet access. Who do I need to call to get it done?

Kathy said...

Oh no! Keeping my fingers crossed for an acre of cable from Cox Communications. Too hard to keep track of minutes!

Pinkerbell said...

Yummy, I'm loving the Depp-Law hybrid - the best of both all wrapped up in a lovely third option!

pam said...

That makes no sense why they wouldn't run the cable up your driveway, especially when you offered to pay. I hope you are able to get that outrageous bill reduced. It must be hard to stay away...when the computer is sitting right in front of you.

xox

Ashley said...

Hilarious! Oh how I've missed your blogs over the past couple of days.
You tell that Johnny Law to lay off. Mom has serious business to attend to!

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

i can't do the One Eyebrow thingie, either...

Very sorry to hear about your shenanigan with the cable folk... but it did prove informative-- I have some idea of what going "off-line" (EG wireless) will run.

You want I should come and split the cable for you? The 'Company' might not want to run cable up the acre, but Cyggie knows a thing or three about cable (Companies), and cables...

Can you say "No More Law!"?

OK, so mayhap, given the photo, you mayn't wanna say... :)

'Night, B&R!!!

Sweet Dreams...

MindyLew said...

Wow them strict rules would so get me "busted" all the time!!! But then again if Johnny Depp was arresting me I would so go Peacefully!! :)

Parenthood For Me said...

Hi just saying hi. Read your profile. Sounds like we have alot in common. Very cute post. I cant imagine having to monitory my on line time. If you get a chance visit my blog and website regarding my non profit. If you know anyone who would be interested in the information, pleasae pass it on. have a great day.
www.parenthoodforme.org

Mother Mayhem said...

That picture is scary. Seriously.

Lana said...

Jude Law and Johnny Depp. DOUBLE YUM!!!
hopefully the internet issue is resolved for you soon!

LORI said...

I AM SO SAD ABOUT THE "NO CABLE UP THE DRIVEWAY" THING...SUPER SUCK. I AM NOW EVEN MORE IN AWE OF YOUR SUPER COMMENTING AND BLOG POSTINGS--I DO HAVE UNLIMITED USAGE, AND CAN'T SEEM TO POST MORE THAN A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK AT BEST! YOU INSPIRE ME, YOU BLOG-BEAST YOU!

kel said...

OO.. me likes the real JOhnny Law... does he keep the british acccent?

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

You sure do a great job within your restrictions! Too hilarious about getting 'busted' at the end of the day... ;) That sucks when a cable company won't let you pay to run the line to your house from the end of the driveway - my aunt has that same issue and is stuck with dial up until someone wakes up and is willing to take her money... :)

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