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Can I Elf You?

(Don't forget to visit Shannon and her Week-end Wordles over at Last Shreds of Sanity!)

Once upon a time this morning, I wandered into the family room in my usual morning stupor. I threw back the curtains to find I had a visitor outside in the form of an elf.

Well, hello there, hottie! He was leaning against the tree holding a scroll. I went to open the door to invite him in.

“What are you doing here?” I purred in my sexy morning voice. (What? Don’t you have one of those?)

He winked at me (swoon) and nodded toward the St. Patty’s Day tree. “What do you think I’m doing here?”

I blushed. “Um…yeah…Is there a problem with the tree, Legolas?” I was feeling all tingly now. He came really close to me. Really close. “For you, my lady.” He handed me the scroll. “I come bearing glad tidings.” He brushed by me and bowed.

Be still my fluttery heart! I looked at the scroll closely. Oh jinkies…I had gotten one of these in mid January. I knew exactly who it was from.

I sighed, unrolled it and began to read.

Dearest Dawn,

While your white Christmas tree looks lovely covered in shamrocks, leprechauns, pots of gold, and the flags of Ireland, don’t you feel that this charade has gone on long enough? (Props to you for taking down the other 4 trees that you had up. At least you had enough sense to take those down in January.)

And even though Catherine was delighted to have it covered with hearts for Valentine’s Day, shouldn’t you just come to terms that you are just too stinkin’ lazy to take down the tree?

I know you’re planning on doing a shabby spring Easter theme on that tree in a few days. I KNOW. It’s time to take down the tree, dear. Put it in that nice tree bag you picked up at Target at 90% off. (Yes, the magic snowglobe shows us everything…)

Now, get along with the tree removal. It won’t be long until July when all the stores will be filled with Christmas d├ęcor and you can start all over again!

Mrs. Claus

p.s. Hope you enjoyed t
he special delivery elf! If you ask him to, he can just snap his fingers
and become a naughty pirate for you too!

Mrs. Claus sure knows how to get a girl's attention.

Well, that’s just fantastic. Another spanking by scroll from the holiday hostess with the most-est.

Doesn't she understand I am busy blogging? Doesn’t she know that I am horribly behind in my comment lovin’? Can’t she see that I am exhausted this week and can’t come up with a blog post that makes sense? DOESN’T SHE CARE? Mrs. Claus!

I glance at Legolas. He is staring at me with intensity. I feel flush. I plop down on the sofa. Heck, I was just trying to get my money’s worth out of that tree.

“Can’t you conjure up some more of your elf friends to come and help me, Legolas?” I plead batting my lashes at him.

“Alas, I cannot. I can become a pirate for you though, and be your eye candy while you take down the tree.”

Bow-chicka-bow-wow…buh-bye White Christmas St. Patty’s Day Tree…Hello, Eye Candy!

Have a fabulous weekend! I've got some eye candy to ogle, me hearties!

p.s. Don't get your panties in a wad, Chilly. I know how you are about certain female actresses!


Juls said…, you're a hoot. I say leave that tree up all year! :-)
Hee Hee Hee...Fun Post!

I am also behind on bloggy loven.
Oh my...thanks for the giggle...can you send the naughty pirit elf to my house?? take down that tree...and laugh at me sitting in the cold having a garage sale...ugh...
Chaka said…
I'm afraid Orlando Bloom doesn't have the same affect on me, but I can totally relate to the late Christmas decorations coming down. I just recently got the outside Christmas lights down.
LadyStyx said…
Too funny. Thanks for the laugh!
Me said…
You still have your tree up? That is soo cool! I say keep it up!
Debbie said…
I really must apologize. I did not read anything past the naughty pirate. What a fantastic way to end my evening of blog readings. Thanks for helping me release my inner cougar!
BoufMom9 said…
Too funny! I would leave the tree up, esp if it means that Mrs Claus will keep sending such sexy delivery boys :)
Cygnus MacLlyr said…
Kinda makes me wish i was an Elf...

Megan said…
LOL Now I don't feel so bad about still having my "moosetivity" out.
babyrocasmama said…
My LORD! Girl where do you come up with this stuff?? LOL Too funny! And i only like orlando Bloom as Legolas. Sorry, but there is just something about him sliding down the side of that fortress on a shield that makes me all tingly...Of course if it was my Rick doing that I would be positively mesmerized! LOL

Nice Wordle, my friend. I am so glad you are still participating. :=)
Yaya said…
Thanks for the eye candy! Although it's no George Clooney.
Eudae-Mamia said…
LOL!! You actually have a pass for Easter as well - just start following the German tradition of Easter Egg Trees.

It's legit, I promise.

Just think, if you leave it up, maybe you'll get another visit.

Me likey!

Thanks for the pick-me-up. Em
Kelly said…
I'll take a visit from Legolas! I was so taken by him in the theaters it made it worth it to sit through all the violence. My husband was actually supportive and bought me a cardboard stand up thing of him for my birthday. Weird eh?
Queenie Jeannie said…
Very funny and sweet post!!
jill said…
next year, i'm leaving my tree up until the hot elf/pirate delivers a scroll to my house. if only i had known.....i always take my tree down on January 1st.
Nerdy Jess said…
lol yea! thats awesome.
kari and kijsa said…
So fun! Happy Saturday!
kari & kijsa
blueviolet said…
I had forgotten all about Orlando being Legolas. If he'll get me to do things I've been putting off too, send him over here for a bit, would ya? Actually, tell him to send over his buddy, Captain Jack. :)
Nightowl Mama said…
Send him quick!! Hubby's gone 4 the day and I can certainly use some help cleaning this house ;) wink wink
The Boob Nazi said…
I love Legolas more than anything.
susette said…
I'm coming over from Blog Stalkers Unite, asking for your help. I am in the running for a round trip airfare paid ticket to Connecticut, to meet a friend I became acquainted with through blogging. She is a super fun person and is holding this contest. I entered a funny story titled "Grapejuice Floaties, Now Marry Me." The person whose story receives the most votes will win a trip to meet this generous lady, whom I'm hoping to meet. The voting ends tonight I believe. I am ahead for now but there is a story coming up from behind out of nowhere and I would so, so, appreciate your help. Her blog is and the voting is on the sidebar on the right. "Grapejuice, Floaties" Just go there and cast a vote for me, please. Thanks so much-you're awesome! ♥
Debra said…
I love me some Orlando! 'nuff said ;-)
Jamie said…
Girl, I crack me up every time I visit! We also keep our white 'Christmas' tree up until end of February, tee hee...the girls tried to get me to keep it up year round but I just couldn't take it anymore! Lovin' that eye candy too...maybe Chilly could dress up as a pirate for you too, hehe.

StampinMom :-)
Alexis AKA MOM said…
You crack me up! And hello it's not technically a christmas tree if it decorated for different seasons. She so it's all good. LOL
LORI said…
Tess said…
That is too funny. Now I will think of you when I see Christmas decor still hanging on people's houses.
ocean said…
Hi friend.. Interesting post.. Nice blog work.. keep it up..
will drop by your site often.. Do find time to visit my blog and post your comments..
Have a great day.. Cheers!!!
Dapoppins said…
The Mrs. said…
Hysterical! Soooo you are a maniac tree person huh?
Stephenie said…
I just can't say it enough, You really make me laugh...What hotties.. You really have a great imagination.....
Just love your posts...
The Blonde Duck said…
The title alone made me giggle.
Nancy Face said…
That does it! Next year I'm leaving up my tree until St. Patty's...I want Legolas to come visit ME! ;)
This was a hoot! You have an incredible imagination and are a talented writer. Thanks for visiting my blog.
Mother Mayhem said…
If you'll share the eye candy, I'll help you take down the tree! Hehehe
blognut said…
Are you serious? Is your tree really still up? I will totally come and take it down for you.
Tranquility said…
I'm going to leave my tree up too long next year so that maybe Mrs. Claus will send me a sexy elf too!!!

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