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Something Stinks At McDonalds (and it isn't the service!)

Warning...this post is not for the queasy!

Once upon a time...yesterday...I decided to be a nice mommy and take my kids for a special outing to McDonalds. Special because I am trying to cut down on the fast food meals so to actually be taken to McD's is an all out cause for celebration for these two kiddos of mine. Oh, and we didn't go to just any old McDonalds. We went to the fancy, new McDonalds....

The kids were beside themselves with glee when I announced this plan to go to Mickey D's. Cat completely went nuts when I said "and you can play in the new playground area there!" (She didn't know I would be smothering her in hand sanitizer and showering her like she was covered in nuclear waste when we got home, but I'll disclose those details later in our tale...)

We arrived at the fancy McD's and marveled at the large flat screen tv's on every wall, the coffee cafe with Pottery Barn chairs, the sophisticated paint colors and the gorgeous tile floors. Even the crew looks like they've been dressed by a stylist. Pretty nifty! We order and head off to eat our lunch. So far, a lovely experience. And then it happened....girly in blue shirt trots by smearing her hand across her very drippy nose then proceeds to wipe it across the front of her pants. GACK! At least she wasn't in the play area...whew! Then picky nose girl #2 in tan shirt comes by with a two handed nasal thrust like she was attempting to remove her own brain. OMG! I quickly turn my head from the horror and try to distract my kids so they won't vomit on the fancy Corian table top. What's happened to this town I live in??? I start slurping down my iced coffee to take my mind off this awfulness. After a bit, my kids finish their meals and Cat is ready for some playtime. (Now, I am a germ freak...I really don't like these playground thingys...but I'm trying to go out of my comfort zone a bit so my daughter doesn't end up like me...I mean Howard Hughes....)

Cat starts climbing around in the giant cage they call a "play palace." She's laughing, sliding down the big tube slide and just having a blast. I have decided that about 15 min. is about all my germ phobic nerves can take so I settle on the cushy couch they have for the grown-ups and wait. Cue the Jaws theme....

Out of the corner of my eye I see a very small toddler trotting toward the cage, I mean "play palace." How cute! Little blond curls, looking all cherub-y...He toddles closer to the cage...and that's when I notice his diaper must weigh about 35 lbs. (uh..yeah...did I forget to mention he wasn't wearing pants...in public????) Not only that, but it was actually leaking poo!!!! Leaking pooooo!!!!! That's when I jumped up (picture this in slow motion..much more interesting...) and ran for the cage. "Cat! Cat! Time to go! NOW!!!" Cat isn't "hearing" me...ok..she's ignoring my cries of distress..."CAT, we have to leave now, come on' sweetie!" My nerves are quickly shattering all over the fancy McDonald's carpeted play area. Leaky Poo Pants is about to enter the play zone. That does it...I'm gonna have to send in the troops. "CONNOR! HELP MOMMY NOW!!!" Connor, ever the soldier for good, heads to the cage entrance and in his deep man tween voice bellows, "Come on, Cat..we're going now or we can't play at home later!" Ouch! She gets mad but comes along. "Why do we have to go, Mommy?" she looks incredibly disappointed because the opportunity to play in one of these germ infested nightmares, I mean fun play areas, are few and far between. I can't speak from the trauma of seeing the walking biohazard. Connor, taking control of this sinking ship, commands, "Put your shoes on, Cat." He's such a good boy.

Leaky Poo Pants suddenly turns from the "play palace" entrance and locks eyes with mine. Oh, don't you be lookin' at me with all your cute little stinkiness, Poo Pants! He toddles our direction. I can now smell this little bundle of joy and so can the rest of the moms (who, by the way, are looking as horrified as I was...) His poor little face is smeared with chocolate (at least I hope that's what it was) and he is walking bow-legged. Poor little Poo Pants. I really want to scoop him up, clean him, give him a hug and send him on his way...Then it hits me (stronger than his poo panty smell...) WHERE IS HIS PARENT????? There was no one in this area that was coming to the aid of Poo Pants! UGH! Just when I was about to go for help or try to find a person with a diaper bag, one of the other moms found his "mom" (and I use that term loosely) sitting outside texting on her phone, apparently forgetting that she had a tiny tot inside. I figured after sizing up the other moms that they could probably take her in a fight so I felt that was my cue to get us the heck out of there! (And Cat really did have a bath when we got home..I know, I know...germs are good for kids...I do let her play in dirt and stuff...but I do not want a horrible viral epidemic in my household caused by the biohazardous diaper at the "play palace"!) Needless to say, this Mom will be hitting the drive thru from now on!



p.s. I apologize if I have offended anyone's sensibilities with my poo pants story..but I have always found it very healing to write about my pain and suffering (and I love dragging all of you with me through my angst...Thanks for supporting me through my emotional trauma of the poo pants!)

p.s.s. Living in AZ (aka hell on earth come June), I understand that t-shirts and diapers are sometimes what wee ones feel best in...however, being the old-fashioned kinda girl that I am, I think a kid needs some pants when he's in public! I don't walk around in my underwear, for goodness sakes!

Comments

Lana said…
You can drag me through poo any day. ....Wait... Tell me poo STORIES anyday. That's what I meant. Yeah...

Well, since we all know sh*t happens,(Ha!) I SO want to give that woman the benefit of doubt with the diaper thing, but finding it hard to do since she wasn't even in the same room as him! So sad.
Sabrae Carter said…
Man I think I would have freaked out to!!! But you are much nicer than me.... I would have told that woman off for letting her kid run around without supervision and in a dirty diaper!!!
The Dotterel said…
Unbelieveable! I just hope those texts were important.
Karies place said…
I would have to say I would feel the same way. UGH!! Thankfully all my kids wants from McD's is food through the drive through. Of course, they're are ages 15, 12 and 5. My youngest doesn't have the chance to play in them much. Only when we go on vacation(once a yr or once every 2 yrs) and even then she has to be lured in by her older sister. :)
Jillene said…
NASSSSSSSSSTY!! Who does that kind of thing?! I myself would have went up to said mother and ripped her a new one.

I too have a germ thing and the play places....YIKES!! I feel your pain!!
Kathy said…
Wow - I was really starting to covet your fancy-pants McD's at the beginning of your tale. My covetousness (word?) was shut right down though even before poopy-pants was introduced. It was drippy-nose did it for me. GACK is right!

You are hilarious! Thanks for visiting, and I would love for you to hang around. I'm usually only a once-a-weeker though - just not bright enough for more material than that :) Off to become a regular on your blog.
Marie Reed said…
Girl they don't even have hand sanitizer in France! The product doesn't exist! I sooooo import it:)
No worries your not the only one who would freak out!

I don't have any kids and I would've freaked out.

I love your stories. :D you make me laugh chica
Mrs. Schmitty said…
That is just plain nasty. What is wrong with parents. First of all that mom, is she nuts for leaving that kid alone? Sheesh!

Thanks for dropping by my place yesterday, it gave me the opportunity to find you!

Hilarious!
Debbie said…
Some days I am so sad my kids are tweens and teens. Not today. Thanks for making me feel better about that:)
kel said…
ewwww.... I hate playlands for that reason alone!
ack!!!! We take our kids to the PlayPlace relatively often and there is always some "mom"--shall we call her a "birth mother?" there who is more concerned with texting and checking her new belly-ring for infection than watching her snot-nosed, pantsless kids. Thus far we have avoided actual poo-bombs...unless you count the fact that MY child pooed her pants everytime we went to McDonalds until we told her "If you poo your pants one more time we will not let you play here ever again!"-fortunately, it never leaked...but we have left more than one pair of panties wadded up, wrapped in paper, and stuffed to the bottom of the trash can at McD's.
I shouldnt' really be admitting this, should I?
Andrea said…
Yeah, I'm a germaphobe too! Just thinking about all the snot nosed kids wiping their germs on the walls of those slides....eeeewww. That story is super funny though. Poor little poo pants.
(Sorry I've been slacking with the comments lately, havent been on much.) *HUGS*
Me said…
That is HORRIBLE! Just horrible! I have to admit..you are a woman afer my own heart! I am a TOTAL germaphobe. My skin was crawling as I visualized the snot covered faces you were describing! EEWW!
Seeker said…
there is nothing wrong with your sensibilities...there is a difference between germs and "THAT" stuff. if i had to make a choice which i would touch....give me germs everytime and hand cleaner.
The Blonde Duck said…
As a Texas native, I can attest to growing up in a t-shirt and diaper. AT HOME. In public, I always had a onsie, pants, bloomer something covering my butt.

I hope that "mother" got poo smeared all over her!
Jen Sue Wild said…
Yucky gross. I wanted to vomit during the whole story but did I stop reading no. If this made me this sick reading it I feel pity for you that you had to live it. YUck!!
Erin said…
My kids have only been to a Play Place once. And that was one too many times. The thought of the germs there totally freaks me out. I am like you - disinfect ASAP. In face, my five year old now walks in the house from kindergarten and makes a beeline to the bathroom to wash his hands with soap.

I feel for you.
Noah's Mommy said…
oh lord.....being a fellow arizonian...I understand...the hell on earth in june...lol....and ewww....yuck...and poor pooh pants...I feel so bad for him....
pam said…
I feel so sorry for that poor kid. Can you imagine his poor little bum? Some people should not have children.

Thank you for the sweet comment(s).

Love you.
mary-catherine said…
Bleh! You poor thing! I can empathize with with you, I carry around a purse sized Lysol with you and I dread the day my tot is begging for the play-place...I think I will have to condition myself slowly before I can hit the 15 minute mark.

My daughter usually takes care of her business EVERY time I take her to the ship to see her daddy..those poor sailors...I told hubby we belonged on the poop deck HA! (ba-dum-ching)

(my hubby just informed me that the poop deck is actually the Captains quarters, so enlisted folks such as us wouldn't be welcome...well just suck the wind outta my sails!...HA! I can't stop punning...)
The Smiths said…
I have a neice who dropped a poo on the post office floor...
OUr youngest son has a diaper explosion in nursery at church that is still referred to as deathcon5. After he splashed around in his explosion, others joined in the fun. Oh, the poor nursery teacher! Luckily, no one got sick!
Reinvent Dad said…
Yuck....I have four kids so I've seen a lot of poo and snot. Even so your adventure at McD's sent a chill up and down my spine....I had a job in college working for a Family Fun Center that featured a large indoor playscape w/ball pit....the ONLY time I ever went into it was BEFORE we initially opened...fortunately I was too big to be asked to venture inside for cleaning.
OMG, that's horrid! We ate McD's for 30 days straight during the Monopoly game, and I haven't been able to go near it since. There's suddenly just something there that oogs me out!
Guess Whoooooo said…
heehehehe.....poooh
Nerdy Jess said…
Oh dear god, thats hilarious. poo pants *giggles*
blueviolet said…
I can't help but still think about that chocolate on the face and wonder if it was chocolate. That was not a good day in the play zone. The whole place needs to decontaminated now. Why can't I get this grimace off my face? I wasn't even there.
Kristen Andrews said…
here is how many times we have been to the McDonald's play land..... once and that is it! Same thing happened, it is like parents say this, "Hey you are sick let's go spread the love" Will go so sick the one and only time we went it is off limits, I told him they have been painting it for like a month, we do drive thru! Funny post!
Raven said…
Funny read! They should really require that people have a license to have a child, as the "mum" of Mr. Poopy Pants quite obviously is unfit.
I don't have children YET...but, every time the hubs and I go to Mickey D's and actually sit there to eat, we often discuss what a playground of germs those play towers must be.

You KNOW they NEVER EVER clean them as the employees can't even keep the tables & floor clean. Ick!

xxx
Ohhhhhh...that's just gross! ;) I'm like you, though, I avoid the McDonald's play area like a plague...'cuz I don't want Princess Nagger to catch it! ;) The one and only time she's been to the play area is when she went with her cousins when we visited them in Seattle - luckily my SIL is anti-germs, too, and kept having them use the hand gel while there, and gave the girls a bath when they got home. :)
blognut said…
It never ceases to amaze me that people can "forget" to watch their kids. By the way, I agree with you about the insanitary play cages, especially the ball pits. Surely those are Satan's own design.
blognut said…
And poo stories do not offend me!
MindyLew said…
Enjoyed all your wonderful shared moments - Had a lot to catch up on!! Never much cared for the "germ gyms" myself. Thanks for stopping by - keep sharing!! :)
mama's smitten said…
Lol! No I'm not laughing at you ! That is just so gross!! Seems like theres never a dull moment in your life!!Better luck next time! If there is a next time!!!
LORI said…
OKAY, 1ST OF ALL? YOU AND I TOGETHER IN MICKEY DEE'S WOULD BE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH. I TOO, AM A GERM FREAK (BIG SHOCK, I'M SURE), AND I TOO, ENJOY ICED COFFEE...DAILY! I IMAGINE WE WOULD BE LIKE THE WONDER TWINS, SWOOPING IN WITH OUR PUREL AND HOSING DOWN THE ENTIRE BIO-HAZARD THAT IS THE PLAY PLACE BEFORE NEGLECTO-TEXTO MOM COULD EVEN HIT ENTER ON HER CELL PHONE. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE????? POOR POO PANTS...
Kirsty said…
Eeeeeeeew..leaking poo????? Some people are just SO wrong. Poor bubby:(

Someone pass me some hand sanitizer...
mine, by magpie said…
oh my god- i just wanna take a shower right now. that poor baby!!! phew- i don't think i would have handled myself with that much grace. hahahha!
Donnetta said…
Poor poo pants. Sweet thing can't help who his Mommy is, but EWWWWWW!! I would have grabbed one of the stylin' MickeyD workers and have them come in & do a clean sweep.

You handled it much better than I would have, I'm pretty sure.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Jacie said…
Oh, you handled it so much better than I would have. I would have had to tell that woman to get off her phone and change that poor child's leaking diaper. Sometimes, making a bit of a scene gets a message across and that woman obviously needed someone to put her in line--for the kid's sake!
Leaky Poo Poo is just a BIG NO NO!

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