Saturday, February 21, 2009

A New Adventure for Old Christine

Allow me to introduce Christine...again...Back in my early days of blogging, I did a post about this rather...uh-hmm... "interesting" member of our family. I mentioned how she is "much like the crazy, obnoxious, aunt who dresses in flashy clothes that you hate to invite for the holidays, but is kind of a necessary evil in your family."

I explained how Chilly and Christine first met..."A few years back, my husband called me from work, giggling like a school girl who just discovered her latest crush. "Hey Minnie! You're not going to believe what I just found!" (Yes, my nickname is Minnie...)

I shared that this didn't sit well with me..."When I didn't respond with the same enthusiasm he was sharing with me, he knew he was in trouble...BIG trouble. "That sounds lovely, dear," I said in my "why must you do this to me every two years" voice. Then the whining started and went on and on for what seemed like years (it was probably really only a few minutes, but the way he whines makes it feel like years...)"

I provided details about our first encounter with Christine...."One sunny afternoon, Christine arrived in all her splendor (oh, sorry if I spit coffee on your computer screen from my choking/laughing.) Chilly was like a proud papa bringing home his new baby girl from the hospital. "Isn't she beautiful?" he grinned. The kids and I just looked at each other trying to be supportive, but really trying to understand why Daddy was on the fast train to Looney Town. "Her name is Christine." Wow, I guess he skipped the train and caught a ride on a jet. "She's nice" I tried to smile. "Look at the bees on the back, kids! Aren't they cute?" We ooohed and aaahed our way around and checked her out completely. More ooohing and aaahing...."

I even talked about how I've tried to be supportive of Christine..."Over the years, Christine has had all sorts of accoutrement added here and there to increase her "lovliness". A while back, Chilly wanted to give her a "lift". He asked me what I thought and I replied, "It doesn't matter how fancy her high heels are, a hooker is still a hooker. The only difference is that she's wearing nicer shoes." He didn't find that amusing. (but I sure did...evil laugh...)"

Most importantly, I lovingly recounted the story of how Christine saved Chilly from death's door almost one year ago..."I would go to the hospital and try to nurse him back to health with stories of Christine. I told him that she was so excited about her upcoming makeover that he had planned so he needed to hurry and get better. I almost resorted to bringing in photos of her for his bedside table. He seemed to be improving until one evening when he actually "died". He coded and for a few moments left this world. The staff was able to bring him back. He survived, we are happy to report, and is coming along slowly but surely. Later, I asked him if he remembered anything about that experience...were there angels, aliens, anything? He shared his experience with me (for which I am truly grateful, Chilly). I will keep that private, but will tell you there was a gentle tugging to come back to us. My children and I are glad that he did. Were there angels? Hmmm...I think it was Christine..."

I guess you have figured out by now that Christine is not a person. Christine is my husband's truck. Yep, a Dodge Rumblebee. (Go ahead and make fun of him...I do all the time...snort giggle snort...)

Yep, my husband is 40 going on 16..."Are we embarrased by the fact that the head of our family (wait, that's me..) I mean, the 2nd in command of our family drives a truck meant for a teenage boy? Are you kidding?!"

Yep, Christine is treated like a human...."Do we find it bizarre that Daddy talks to her like she can actually understand the English language? Absolutely!"

He informed me last night that he is taking Christine to the spa this weekend. Uh-huh...the "spa." (It's a car wash, nerdanderthal!) He also informed me that Christine needed a colonic. (Are you joking? He is now referring to an oil change as a colonic!?) But the best part of the conversation was this....

Chilly: "Christine needs new headers."

Me: "What are headers?"

Chilly: "Truck Lungs...so she can breathe better..."

Me: "So, it's really a quality of life issue..." (idiot)

Chilly: "Yeah...Hey! At least she doesn't need a boob job!"

Me: "Grrrrrrr......"

I am thinking about putting a sales ad on Craigslist...not for Christine...for the nerdanderthal...

Happy Saturday to you all! I'm off to Craigslist!

p.s. Apparently, "Christine will be hurt" if her photo isn't added...(I told you...my husband thinks she has feelings...he is such a goober...)

Christine in 2007 picking up my nephew for a ride...
(Are you happy now, Christine?)

Yes, the irony is not lost on me that 2 years have gone by
and the new truck rant will begin any day now.....Heavy, heavy sigh....

21 comments:

Beverly said...

Minnie! In his late 30s, my husband decided his dream car was a LeBaron convertible. I hated to drive it, because he knew how many bugs were caught in the grill and chastised me if additional ones made their way onto the hood. This car was known as "The Other Woman" in our household. I feel your pain, but at least it's an inanimate object--more or less.

blognut said...

What price are you going to get for Chilly? I recently listed my mother on ebay, but I didn't get any takers. Want her?

Kristina P. said...

Well, she is beautiful!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Too, too funny! My hubby is 'going on 16', too - but at least his car isn't the 'other woman'...that I know of! LOL! ;)

Melissa said...

HOLY.SMOKE.

"a hooker is still a hooker"

God I love it. Will you marry me???

bwhahaha...you're too much.

The Boob Nazi said...

I talk to everything like it's human. I have problems.

Raven said...

I hate to say this for your sake...but it really looks like a sweet ride!

xxx

Debra said...

Another steller post! Love the truck. My hubby and I both have girlfriends, our motorcycles. Mine is named Bella and is is Big Blue. Hey, if you can't beat em join em!LOL

Momo Fali said...

Men and their toys! Ugh.

Deb said...

listen, i can't help you. i've got my own major problem... she's called Big Blue and she's an 86 CJ7 (i'm not allowed to just call it a jeep). there are car parts everywhere... some still in boxes. ugh, don't get me started. maybe we should start a support group.

Susan said...

LOL, that is too funny!

Kirsty said...

She's pretty!!!
My husband would love 'another woman' like her...so far I am resisting;)

Jen said...

I just do not get the bond of men and their toys.

annie kelleher said...

wow... my hubby's dream car was this little porsche he bought on ebay for less than 3 grand. know how they say you get what you pay for? he drove it home from boston and he showed up at my friend's store cause he knew i was there, and he kept honking hte horn so finally we had to go outsdie. and in the parking lot, he said that the gear shift was shot and he couldn't get it into park and in neutral it kept rolling down the slight incline towards the trash cans. he named it sparky and it was a cute lil car but hte third time it tried to kill him i told him it had to go. he sold it on ebaby for more money than he'd bought it for, so i guess you could say he broke even.

LORI said...

HEY, HAS CHILLY READ ANY STEVEN KING NOVELS? HELLO, CHRISTINE??! IS SHE A VERY NAUGHTY TRUCK? MY HUSBAND GOT A SHIRT A FEW (DECADES) YEARS AGO FROM MY MOM THAT SAYS "A MAN AND HIS TRUCK, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING". IF I EVER SEE THAT SHIRT AGAIN, I'M BUYING IT AND SENDING IT TO YOU! MY HUSBAND'S SHIRT IS SO THREAD-BARE IT'S PATHETIC, YET IT'S STILL HANGING PROUDLY IN HIS CLOSET...SAD. JUST SAD.

pam said...

Oh, the other woman in your marriage!!

Dapoppins said...

You better be nice to that car or the brake might accidentally slip and it might accidentally roll over your foot or something.

Me said...

I don't care who you are..thats funny right there!

Every relationship has "another woman". Okay..maybe not every relationship! But yours certainly does! Would now be a bad time to admit that she is kinda pretty? I only said kinda!

Jenni Jiggety said...

Is it possible the Christine is possessed? Like in the book? Maybe your husband has been bewitched by this truck! Quick! Call a young priest and an old priest...

Megan said...

Wow. I've really got no words. Just "snort". LOL

Tracy said...

Oh dear mother of pearl. Chilly and CJ must be two peas in a pod. CJ's car is meant for an 18 year old... it's a Subaru STI. No mistaking it for anything else. It's his pride and joy. Thankfully it's fading a little on the priority list with Baby J's debut coming rather quickly. But seriously... his poor girl has had her feelings hurt from lack of attention given to her. I'm sure she'll manage... bitch. hahahahaaaa

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