I know...I know...the last two days were a bit frightening in this neck of the woods, but the scary
So, yesterday, I am trying to pull myself out of my hormonal cesspool by focusing on happy thoughts. I got through our school morning by shoving 600 Hershey kisses in my mouth and drinking 5 gallons of coffee. I did a very, very lame-o post about gnomes that I actually published, then removed within about 15 minutes. (Sorry to those of you who endured that nightmare...if I could erase those horrid images from your brains with a mind swipe, I would do it! I was trying to ride the happy thoughts train and I like gnomes...usually...yesterday they just irritated me...moving on...)
A little old lady nearby interrupts and says "Those shoes aren't called hard shoes. They're called gullies." I smile,"Oh! You mean ghillies! Ghillies are the soft shoes." (These are ghillies...see the difference???)I turn back to my friend and continue my annoying bragging about how Cat will be a Riverdancer and fabulously wealthy, blah blah blah... "Sweet" old lady says, "Well, my grand-baby is a Highland dancer and they are called gullies!" Uh, hello....don't remember issuing you an invitation to my gab-fest over here! (and Highland dance is Scottish! And they're still called ghillies!) Apparently, this little old lady doesn't see PMS branded across my forehead because she continues on..."She's been dancing for 4 years now and I know they are called gullies!" She crosses her arms and stares me down. I really don't want to take an old lady down in the middle of Hallmark. I roll my eyes and turn back to my friend to continue. Old lady clears her throat. "Uh-hmm.." I start to laugh mid-sentence. I mouth to my friend, "Is she for real???" Old lady clears her throat again. My friend, Connor and I move down the aisle to get away from her. She follows us. That's creepy! Connor tells me he is going to go look at birthday cards for his dad. And this idiot old lady says this to me..."Why is her voice so deep? Oh, he's a boy. I couldn't tell because of the hair." WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU FLIPPIN' KIDDING ME???!! She was being sarcastic with me?! About my SON!!!????
I knew this lady needed some gum...(I know you're thinking "there she goes off on a tangent again"...you'll see it will make sense in about 3 seconds...)
I whipped this out and handed it to her....
(Ok..not really...but I wanted to....) This is what I really did after beating her senseless with my handbag...(ok...I didn't do that either, but I wanted to...) I turned to her and said in my calm, 'you're lucky I don't want to do time' voice, "That was incredibly rude and disrespectful to my son. You owe him an apology." Then I gave her the stinkeye. Another customer who was standing nearby suggested that crappy old lady take a hike because she was disruptive. She told crappy old lady in no uncertain terms to stop being a grump-a-frump and get the heck out of there. (warm fuzzies amidst the cold nasties from the crappy old lady.)
Crappy old lady is now looking like she's sizing me up for a battle royal in the parking lot. She turns on her heel and leaves. Connor, THANK HEAVENS, did not hear any of this. We continue our shopping and then leave. Crappy old lady is right outside the door. She is now trying to justify her comment but still no apology. I just ignore her and push past her to the car. Connor asks me what's going on so I tell him once we're in the car. And do you know what my awesome son says?? He laughs and says, "Mom, it's no big deal. She just doesn't know hotness when she sees it anymore!" LOL! I reached over and hugged him. "You got that right, mister!" I love that kid!
Now, FYI...my son looks nothing like a girl. He does have longish skater hair, but he is all boy. (Just ask all the girls that swoon over him everytime we go somewhere! LOL!) Someday, I will convince tween caveboy to allow me to post his picture on my blog. That lady was just being snarky and very unkind. She was darn lucky my brain was drowning in serotonin from all the chocolate I had eaten that morning otherwise I would have opened a can of PMS whoop-a$$ on her nasty self! (Big hug to Kate for reminding me about the can of PMS whoop-a$$!)
And that brings us to the end of our tale. Harmony has been restored to the kingdom. Here's how I know for sure....when I tucked Catherine into bed last night, she said, "Goodnight! Now hurry up and leave because I have a date with a handsome boy, some unicorns and a rainbow to slide down!" And that, my friends, is a post all by itself for another day!
p.s. Please know that because my friend is the owner of the Hallmark store, I decided to handle this like a lady so as not to create a distubance for her customers. If this would have happened at Walmart, it would've have been "on" with this old lady! I wouldn't be a lady over there! LOL!