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I'll Take You Down, Old Lady! Yes, I Will!

Oh looky! Enchanted woodland creatures are slowly returning to the happy kingdom of Bee and Rose! I hear bluebirds singing! It's a lovely day!

I know...I know...the last two days were a bit frightening in this neck of the woods, but the scary b*tch witch lady is gone...bye, bye...no worries! Want to know how I know this? Because rubber ducky doesn't look like this anymore...

Whew! She's back to her lovely princessy self again!

So, yesterday, I am trying to pull myself out of my hormonal cesspool by focusing on happy thoughts. I got through our school morning by shoving 600 Hershey kisses in my mouth and drinking 5 gallons of coffee. I did a very, very lame-o post about gnomes that I actually published, then removed within about 15 minutes. (Sorry to those of you who endured that nightmare...if I could erase those horrid images from your brains with a mind swipe, I would do it! I was trying to ride the happy thoughts train and I like gnomes...usually...yesterday they just irritated me...moving on...)

After school, Connor and I headed to our local Hallmark store. I love going there because I am good friends with the owner and the gals that work there. We arrive and start checking out the St. Patty's Day goods (remember, I love all things Irish!) One of the sales gals inquires about Cat's Irish dance classes. I begin bragging about her immense talent and how she is now in "hard" shoes. (These are the shoes that make the clickety sound when you watch the Riverdancers.) This is a big step for Cat so I am very proud to let the world know how fabulous she is!


A little old lady nearby interrupts and says "Those shoes aren't called hard shoes. They're called gullies." I smile,"Oh! You mean ghillies! Ghillies are the soft shoes." (These are ghillies...see the difference???)

I turn back to my friend and continue my annoying bragging about how Cat will be a Riverdancer and fabulously wealthy, blah blah blah... "Sweet" old lady says, "Well, my grand-baby is a Highland dancer and they are called gullies!" Uh, hello....don't remember issuing you an invitation to my gab-fest over here! (and Highland dance is Scottish! And they're still called ghillies!) Apparently, this little old lady doesn't see PMS branded across my forehead because she continues on..."She's been dancing for 4 years now and I know they are called gullies!" She crosses her arms and stares me down. I really don't want to take an old lady down in the middle of Hallmark. I roll my eyes and turn back to my friend to continue. Old lady clears her throat. "Uh-hmm.." I start to laugh mid-sentence. I mouth to my friend, "Is she for real???" Old lady clears her throat again. My friend, Connor and I move down the aisle to get away from her. She follows us. That's creepy! Connor tells me he is going to go look at birthday cards for his dad. And this idiot old lady says this to me..."Why is her voice so deep? Oh, he's a boy. I couldn't tell because of the hair." WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU FLIPPIN' KIDDING ME???!! She was being sarcastic with me?! About my SON!!!????

I knew this lady needed some gum...(I know you're thinking "there she goes off on a tangent again"...you'll see it will make sense in about 3 seconds...)

I whipped this out and handed it to her....

(Ok..not really...but I wanted to....) This is what I really did after beating her senseless with my handbag...(ok...I didn't do that either, but I wanted to...) I turned to her and said in my calm, 'you're lucky I don't want to do time' voice, "That was incredibly rude and disrespectful to my son. You owe him an apology." Then I gave her the stinkeye. Another customer who was standing nearby suggested that crappy old lady take a hike because she was disruptive. She told crappy old lady in no uncertain terms to stop being a grump-a-frump and get the heck out of there. (warm fuzzies amidst the cold nasties from the crappy old lady.)

Crappy old lady is now looking like she's sizing me up for a battle royal in the parking lot. She turns on her heel and leaves. Connor, THANK HEAVENS, did not hear any of this. We continue our shopping and then leave. Crappy old lady is right outside the door. She is now trying to justify her comment but still no apology. I just ignore her and push past her to the car. Connor asks me what's going on so I tell him once we're in the car. And do you know what my awesome son says?? He laughs and says, "Mom, it's no big deal. She just doesn't know hotness when she sees it anymore!" LOL! I reached over and hugged him. "You got that right, mister!" I love that kid!

Now, FYI...my son looks nothing like a girl. He does have longish skater hair, but he is all boy. (Just ask all the girls that swoon over him everytime we go somewhere! LOL!) Someday, I will convince tween caveboy to allow me to post his picture on my blog. That lady was just being snarky and very unkind. She was darn lucky my brain was drowning in serotonin from all the chocolate I had eaten that morning otherwise I would have opened a can of PMS whoop-a$$ on her nasty self! (Big hug to Kate for reminding me about the can of PMS whoop-a$$!)

And that brings us to the end of our tale. Harmony has been restored to the kingdom. Here's how I know for sure....when I tucked Catherine into bed last night, she said, "Goodnight! Now hurry up and leave because I have a date with a handsome boy, some unicorns and a rainbow to slide down!" And that, my friends, is a post all by itself for another day!

p.s. Please know that because my friend is the owner of the Hallmark store, I decided to handle this like a lady so as not to create a distubance for her customers. If this would have happened at Walmart, it would've have been "on" with this old lady! I wouldn't be a lady over there! LOL!

Comments

annie kelleher said…
you know this is the difference between the irish and the scots. we irish know when and how to pick our battles... those pigheaded scots dont know when to give up the fight ;). slainte!
Kate said…
Glad I could help with the Whoop Ass!!!

Now, are you absolutely kidding me with that old bat??? I think I would have decked her. That tops my story of bringing my son to the mall when he was an infant and 2 old ladies talking about me (while I was standing there) and saying "UGH...those teen mothers". I was 25 when I had my son. I could have beaten them up but didn't. You showed incredible restraint. I'm so proud!!!!
pam said…
Wow, I am impressed by your restraint. I would of just about lost it. The know it all attitude I could of ignored, but when she started in on my child, my Mother Bear instincts would of come out.

Glad the sun is shining again in your world!!
blueviolet said…
You held it together pretty darn well, I must say! When you start talking about the kids...that's when you've gone too far, right?
Cammie said…
you are nicer then I am. I would have kicked her in the crotch.
love
Cammie
Lorie said…
That was nice of you to respect your friends place of business...I might have followed her out of the store! ;X
Erin said…
Do old women just not care what comes out of their mouths? Crazy, crazy.
What a Crazy old lady! I'm impressed you held it together..I don't think I would have been that lady like..in fact I know I wouldn't have been. I have a hot head and big mouth..especially when I am ridin' the hormonal waves!
Michelle-y said…
awnry old coot! man alive, I give you SOOOOO much credit for not giving her a once over in the parking lot! PMS and all!!! You get two gold stars for that one.

P.S. I <3 your daughter, that's just about the cutest thing ever!
Michelle-y said…
awnry old coot! you get two gold stars for your restraint...PMS to boot! (make it three stars!). i would've given her a once over in the parking lot for that!

P.S. I <3 your daughter...that's just about the cutest thing EVER!
Randi Troxell said…
"she doesn't know hotness when she sees it anymore"!!! what an awesome kid you have! btw.. i think you handles it all beautiful... i mighta came unglues on her!
Kristina P. said…
I belong to an etiquette message board where we discuss things like that, and people are SO RUDE! I'm so glad I've never had anything like this happen to me. I don't know what I would do!
blognut said…
My money is on you next time you see her!
The Dotterel said…
Mine too. When's the re-match?
HappyHourSue said…
Hilarious post - what is it with the cranky oldsters? I had an old man follow me in his car and reprimand me at my next stop for how I drove in the previous shopping center. I was all :Dude. You have a LOT of extra time."
Sass said…
Visiting from Double Shot of Espresso...

I love how you handled this situation! But even more, I love that you seem to do the crazy thing I do, where you interrupt yourself while you're writing with things you wish you'd said, no wait...I don't do that. Yes I do.

I'll be back!!!!!
Melissa said…
WOW. Some people have balls. BIG BALLS! I would have had to crotch punch the old witch. Kudos to you.
Andrea said…
You're much nicer than me! I don't think I would have had that much control of myself! PMS or Not... I can't stand people like that.
Debbie said…
What in the world? I just can't believe the nerve of that woman. I'll be right over. Let's track her down and beat her up!
Tracy said…
yup... i would've whooped her ass big time. hahahaa!! preggo or not i would've knocked a beotch out for that. how horrible! hahaaa!!! kudos to you for keeping your cool!!!

just had my visit with the ob - got to see baby j today. he's just amazing. i heart this kid with all that i am and ever will be. blog to come tomorrow (why would i spend my precious time at home blogging when i can do it at work!?)
hahahaa

xoxo
MaryCatherine said…
Oh, wow...what a miserable old woman, bless her heart. I had a similar experience with a mid-life-crisis in a yellow Lotus at my local gas station...I wasn't as graceful as you, I told him I was from the South and wasn't afraid to slap him in the face...he drove off rather quickly after that...but was sure to throw some expletives over his shoulder...the little teenage gas attendant didn't really know what to do, so he just handed me a coupon.

Glad your PMS eclipse is over! I tell ya what now, that PMS can be a killer.
Stephenie said…
THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST POST!!!! I have the biggest smile on my face. Those little old ladies crack me up. My son Andrew catches slack about his skater do to.
Stephenie
Yaya said…
You are way too funny!

600 hershey kisses!

Riverdance!
The Mrs. said…
Aren't people the weirdest! I can hardly believe the comments I get sometimes!
Debra said…
Wow! What a funny post! Girl, you did great especially with PMS! What a biotch! I think you handled it perfectly. If yoou ever see her out again, run over her broom with your car. LOL!

BTW - "Hormonal cesspool" I love it!
Debra said…
Wow! What a funny post! Girl, you did great especially with PMS! What a biotch! I think you handled it perfectly. If yoou ever see her out again, run over her broom with your car. LOL!

BTW - "Hormonal cesspool" I love it!
BoufMom9 said…
OH MY Dear Sweet Lord! What is wrong with people!?! The nerve! Some people have nothing better to do in their lives than to "one up" everyone else. SHEESH!
She sure is luckly you weren't in Walmart! LOL
Debra said…
That woman is lucky to have made it out of the store with her dentures! If you see her out again, run over her broom with your car. LOL
kel said…
Oh baby... it would have been on like donkey kong...

It is not above me to kick an old lady's ass.
babyrocasmama said…
First, the Scots don't like us Irish. Having said that, I would have said something to the effect of "Just because you're old, doesn't give you the right to be rude! I bet your grand kids can't stand your old, wrinkled, bitter a$$!!"

And if necessary, I would have put a banana in her tail pipe or some muenster (or other equally foul smelling) cheese in her tail pipe. OOOPS!! Did I just type that out loud? LOL

What a mean old lady! And if she would have been wearing tons of perfume, I would have also said "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?" Or my favorite "You smell like an old french whore! Did you pay a lot for that perfume?"

Yeah, I know...I'm rotten...
Sabrae Carter said…
Hormones are a wonderful thing aren't they??? LOL!!! I'm finally getting over my hormonal endurances!
Kirsty said…
Oh man...what a horrid lady! You however handled that with grace and dignity...even with the PMS hormones, I am IMPRESSED!

Your son sounds like a wonderful person:)
Brenda Jean said…
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...what a snarky wench! you were VERY controlled. That chocolate must have worked wonders:)
LORI said…
WHAT IS IT WITH GROUCHY OLD LADIES? I'VE RUN IN TO (NOT LITERALLY, BUT I WANTED TO!) SEVERAL LATELY. I THOUGHT PMS, IN ALL ITS GLORY, LEFT US AFTER WE HIT A CERTAIN AGE...HMMMM.

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