Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Return of Miss Hi-Yah

Let me begin by saying if I seem a bit hyper this morning, it's because I actually slept until 5:30!!! (Thanks, Liam...it was a fabulous evening...wink, wink...)

Last night we had a visitor. She hasn't been to our home in a few days. (I try to block out the previous visits when I can...it may have been only hours...you'll see why in a moment...) Our visitor's name is Miss Hi-Yah (pronounced "hi-yaw".) She is a pretty little creature. She usually shows up with a smile and her "aw shucks" attitude. Sometimes there is eye fluttering involved. The visit usually begins pleasantly enough until (and you never know what will trigger this) her eyes narrow, she develops a deep "man" voice, and something gets thrown in your direction. Then you know for sure, Miss Hi-Yah has arrived.

Miss Hi-Yah first started coming around about 3 years ago...Here's a picture of one of her early visits...

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Lovely, isn't she? Over the years we have devoloped kind of a warning system that alerts us when she is about to make an appearance. For example, yesterday...she walks into the kitchen and smiles, "Hi Mama!" (so far, so good) I reply, "Hi Lovie, what's up?" "I'm hungry" she says in her most girly voice. She opens the refrigerator door. "How about a banana?" I say reaching for one. She turns and gives me a look...crikey...her eyes become slits (and...wait for it...here it comes...), her voice deepens. "Well, I guess that's fine since someone didn't feed me today." The fridge door gets slammed...and we're off...Miss Hi-Yah has arrived.

"Excuuuusssseee meeee, Miss Hi-Yah, but may I remind you that you finished off 3/4 of a DiGiorno pizza all by your little lonesome about 2 hours ago!" I try using my sarcastic tween voice that I am learning from Connor. "Uh, yeah, that was 2 hours ago, Mom," (ooooo...looks like Miss Hi-Yah is learning the voice too...) Miss Hi-Yah is looking at me with steel daggers shooting out her eye sockets. Connor enters the room and seeing that Miss Hi-Yah has arrived, quickly turns and heads for the sanctuary (and bunker-like quality) of his room. He's no dummy...he hits the bricks faster than lightning. I have to face this crazy lady all by myself.

I realize I am holding out the banana to her like a peace offering. It suddenly occurs to me that it has a missile-like quality to it and could very possibly be used against me. "Banana or no banana?" I ask trying to remain calm in the face of this impending crisis. Heavy sigh....she shrugs and says (with a bit of whine), "ok, banana, but I'm still hungry." Being the smart woman that I am, I peel the banana, break it in half and put it in a bowl. I have deconstructed the missile. Whew! Dodged a bullet that time! No projectiles this visit...whoo hooo! She turns to head out the door. "You're the best mommy ever" she squeaks in her mouse voice. "Awww, I love you too, Kitty." I smile. Miss Kitty has returned. She holds her bowl up and that's when I realize a bowl is gonna hurt alot more than a banana...maybe I'm not as brilliant as I thought I was. I start looking wildly around the kitchen for a place to duck and cover. No dice...I am out in the open caught like a deer in headlights. "Enjoy your banana," I say in my super nice, "you are the best little girl in the world" voice. She stares me at me intently, bowl still in the air. The bowl lowers back to the carry position. "I will, Mama" she gives me a squinty smile and off she trots. Wow! That was close. I could feel disaster just on the horizon that time. The crackle of electricity in the air is calming down...the forest creatures are slowly coming out from their hiding places...and I am breathing normally again. Miss Hi-Yah is off to parts unknown for a bit. Ahhh...feel that? Serenity....

I decide after a few moments of calming myself to go check on my lovely child. (She is eating a banana, after all.) I peek in her room...Wait! Where's the banana? Her bowl is empty and she is playing contentedly with her dolls. I step cautiously in her room. "Hey darling girl, where's the banana?" "All gone" she says wiping her hands together. "Yummy in my tummy." Man, that kid eats fast! (My mind fast forwards to the future to watching Cat win the "who can eat the most bananas in 30 seconds" contest at the county fair...I can actually see her holding a trophy....) "Ok....well, gonna go back to the kitchen now..." I creep slowly back out of the room. "The kitchen?" her head snaps up. "No, I meant laundry room...gotta wash some towels." I am in a full tilt run now to the laundry room. She's right on my heels..."the laundry room...is right next to...the kitchen," she huffs trying to keep up. Busted....

I am happy to report that another banana and some goldfish crackers filled up Miss Hi-Yah's tummy. We waved good-bye to her and Miss Kitty returned for the rest of the evening.

It's very early in the morning here, and Miss Kitty is still sleeping. Off I go to the kitchen to get stuff ready for breakfast. I think I'll make pancakes today...and better add some waffles...maybe some hash browns...bananas, yep, definitely better have the bananas....Miss Hi-Yah has the appetite the size of Cincinnati...a girl can't be too careful....

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